I wanna spill one of my dirts. This is a letter that I was willingly going to send to my ex a day after she broke me up. But unfortunately, I was so young and stupid. Didn’t have guts to throw this letter out to her face.
Dear my Dear,
When you broke me up, you asked me few questions : What is love ?
Then you asked me rapidly with some girly questions that is hard to remembered. But one question keeps bugging me until now : Do you really love me ?? what about if I found other girls who love me more than you can do.
You once said love is a desire to have someone to be ours. Well said, people agree it is true.
But so far, I don’t catch the meaning. I have been in relationship with several girls but they are the same. Substantially the same, physically attractively different. Same M&M with different colours. And other similar analogy.
Love is something right to us. But I never feel right with anyone. And does it mean I haven’t found my love yet ?
I remember you always put love in different boxes and label it as fun as you can have. Cinta mati. Cinta-cintaan. Cinta ternoda. Cinta monyet. Cinta sejati. Cinta palsu. And others love….
I really mind if you said my love was Cinta monyet. I really do.
And you divided love to another forms, basically the true one and not. Well, I think you are highly good enough to be able to measure it . classify what is true and what is not.
But then I started to think about it comprehensively. In fact, I cant mention that love happening on mafia world is wrong. Or even love between the priest is true. I cant agree that love is about being wrong and being right. I heard lots of song which say “if loving you is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right.” Is it proper to go with those words ?? means, justification about love has reached normative values : wrong and right. It means if you are about to have this kind of love than you are labeled right, vice versa. This love and that love.
Or what about If I had interfaith relationships, would it be less mistaken than had man-a-man or girl-a-girl relationships ?? if you think about sexual activities, we end up here. But I wanna go far with pure love. I wanna find the real love just like Adam and Eve. Once said, Plato didn’t get married because he didn’t find any woman to rest his burden and to share his happiness with. All he could see was only desire. Love is really a game between the forceful man and beautiful woman. All he can conclude is Platonic Love that can survive without any will to do sexual activities. Love without desire to own. Love without the hatred of being left. Or even love without the feeling of doing sexual activities. Just really LOVE. As pure as we say “love” to people we have crush with.
Now tell me what is wrong and what is right ??
We rarely justify people based on humanity. Its hard to justify people based on strict norms. For instance, Robin Hood stealing for hungry family and poor people. Based on law, we can judge him wrong. But what about from humanity ?? is what he does wrong ?? think twice.
So, back to my answer for my dearest girl. You said I don’t love you like you did to me. Well, I have been sobbing for knowing this. How on earth you can tell my love is smaller than yours ?? and I just realized that I dated stupid girl. Yeah, I m dumber than you. I thought you were a blackrose within common red roses. Reality said, you just drowned with those commoners. So please, don’t assume anything about love if you don’t know anything about its history, about the whole of it. You said you found a guy who loved you more. I have a phrase for you : like hell.