Nudge (2)

One rainy afternoon

I finished working late few days ago. As the sky gloomed as if it wanted to cry out loud, I immediately packed my bags and went home. The sky began to pour while I was riding my bike, quickly turning into cats and dogs. To prevent getting soaked, I had to make a pit stop at a café on my way home. I was their only customer at the time, so I chose to sit in the corner, next to a large window glass. I approached the counter and placed an order for an iced Americano. I took a seat and reached into my bag for a novel. I opened it at the last page I read. The novel was 'A Confederacy of Dunces' by John Kennedy Toole which I already read two years ago and started to reread it again few months ago. I grew a habit of rereading a novel I completed after several times to find out whether my interpretation and feeling remained the same or not. When I was devouring a few pages, my order came to my table. I sipped it from glass of the coffee and gazed on the window. I put my novel and felt attracted to flirt with the rain outside.

I was looking out the window and saw raindrops cascading down the pane. The rhythm was so tranquilizing as if there was a lull to hypnotize me to sleep and transport me somewhere I never belonged. I had no idea how long I was gazing out the raindrops and where my mind was taking me, but I felt equanimous. I returned my attention to the novel in my hands and continued reading. I'd been waiting at this café for nearly an hour, and there was no sign that the rain would let up. I put down my book and switched on my laptop. I attempted to complete my work in stages so that I would not have to devote my entire weekend to it.

Around 7 p.m., the rain had subsided a little. I promptly wiped my table and rushed to my bike. I was going to return home when my spontaneous need seduced me to go see a movie at the cinema. Before going to attend a movie at the theater, I generally reserved a ticket. This time, I followed my impulses. I went to the nearest cinema and purchased a ticket on the spot. The cinema was swarmed with people. I had forgotten that today was the premiere of a Marvel film. I took a chance and bought a ticket and got myself a nice seat. The film lasted about three hours and was so-so. I mean, I liked the movie, but not in a particularly memorable way.

At 10.30 pm I got to my bike and exited the basement.

Then this happened.

My entire body shuddered, but not from the cold. It seemed like I had goosebumps, not the terrifying kind, but the happy kind, as if my entire body was buzzing with piquancy for something. I noticed that the rain had entirely stopped, leaving dews on the trees, streetlamps, and roofs.

Everything got brighter and shined brighter than it was intended to. The light from the streetlamps became brighter, the leaves and trunks of the trees radiated their hues, and the gloomy sky looked so heavy as if it wanted to kiss the earth.

Oh, plus there was this gorgeous incandescence light in the mist after the rain. I also had no idea petrichor smelt so nice at night, or that the friction between wet road and tires sounded so hauntingly beautiful. I had also never realized how magnificent the traffic lights were after the rain, especially the red one, while people's faces were like light bulbs when I gazed at them. I smiled from ear to ear.

This sensation was similar to those I experienced while diving, walking in the woods, ascending to the summit of a mountain, sitting in silent with the sunsets and sunrises, contemplatively cycling, or meditating in nature. I was petrified, and my eyes began to water like a dam had burst. I became aware that I was sobbing uncontrollably behind my mask while riding my bike at night. For no apparent reason.

I slowed down my bike instinctively to collect my thoughts and assimilate everything. I chuckled a couple times and exhaled deeply. Then there were these jumbled feelings of everything I'd ever experienced before: despair, happiness, pain, joy, haplessness, and a slew of other emotions I didn't even recognize. All I knew was that I was grateful to have experienced them at all.

Then, I remembered Him. Only Him. The Most Merciful and Benevolent. All praise and thanks belong to Allah alone.

I washed myself and did night prayer when I got home. I had no idea what had just transpired, yet I latched to this sensation. I attempted to make sense of it. I reflected on what I had eaten that day, what kind of sentimentality I had clung to, and even self-analyzed that I was romanticizing my mundane routines when they were really simply dull. But there was no doubt in my mind that I was clueless. Instead of guessing wildly, I decided to internalize every single second and emotion for the 30 minutes it took me to get from the cinema to my house.

I think that everything happens for a purpose and that every action in this universe is predestined. I had no idea why this was happening, but I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

That night, my heart was light and joyous, and I slept soundly that I dreamed of nothingness.

*p.s. I rechecked my old post and found this one about Nudge. Just in case you're curious.